Maiden Voyage trip report -- primarily for newbies
Just got back from our first trip to Hedo 3. We prepared by reading many of the threads in this forum, and found them to be very helpful. We recommend all newbies do a little similar research prior to their trip. Most of what we willl cover here is simply validating some of what we had read in advance, or otherwise hitting the high points.
Ours was a short, impromptu trip. We had planned to spend a week on South Beach, but decided a week ahead of time to just spend a couple days there then try a few days at H3. We're glad we did.
Arrived into Montego Bay on Wednesday evening. Having read that the resort sometimes overbooks, I carefully grilled the SuperClubs rep at the airport to ENSURE they had a room for us. He assured me that they did. Double grilled him, and he again assured me that if he had us down on his magic list, a room was available and had been assigned. Triple grilled him, got more assurances, and felt optimistic after that. The bus trip from the airport was neither as long or as unpleasant as we had imagined -- pretty scenery, colorful buildings, not as much poverty as we expected. Got to the resort around 10-ish, and sure enough they had our room. No problem, mon. However, just as we arrived a torrential downpour of Biblical proportions was beginning. We are talking about absolutely massive amounts of rainwater. Like a dam in the heavens had broken. 40-gallon oil drums filled with water being tipped upside down and dumped upon the resort. Raining so hard it was truly comical. Raining so hard the staff would not even take us across the plaza to our room. Lots of people were in the main bar, which was open-air but had a roof over it, however running the 40-50 feet from the lobby to the bar would have resulted in us being totally soaking wet. A number of us were therefore temporarily "stranded" in the open-air, but thankfully covered, lobby. The staff were using squeegees and brooms to push out the water which had begun seeping onto the lobby floor, and put sandbags around the entrances to keep water out. Stepping over the sandbags to head into the bathroom, we were wading in several inches of water. I talked with several of the others in the lobby to discuss plans to build an ark. So an inauspicious beginning. After about 45 minutes, the storm scaled back to merely an extremely heavy and intense rainshower, and we finally talked a bellman into taking us through it to the room.
Got unpacked and it was time for a quick ganja-hunt. Based on common sense and suggestions from this forum, we had not attempted to purchase any at the airport or on the ride to the resort. Let's just say it is not a problem to find it at H3. Wont get too specific about exactly who I got it from, so I don't get any of the staff in trouble, but I left the room, had time to get a drink and smoke a fag, purchase the ganja, and be back in the room in a total of about 12 minutes. And if I can figure it out that quickly, then the more street-wise guests should be able to get that all done in about 8 minutes. Paid a bit more than market for the quantity, and it was unfortunately not the best quality, but it did the trick. (Later on in the trip, we found that a prior guest had left the remnants of their bag, which appeared to have been purchased from the same source, in the CD player. Upon our departure, we left our residual there as well. So we suggest you scour the room first and may be able to save a little money.)
The torrential rain finally stopped, so we hit the bar for a nightcap. Bar was not overly crowded at that time (12:30ish), and we were not yet in the mood for significant socializing, so we got a drink and went up to the disco to check it out (not too crowded, given that it was Wednesday night, and maybe the downpour had reduced the attendance), then wandered around the resort to get our bearings, then back to the room to go to sleep.
The room was nicer than we had anticipated. Not a Ritz-Carlton, but someone else had suggested a Knight's Inn (which we think was a bit unfair.) We would rate it as a little nicer than a Courtyard by Marriott. Given how little time we spent in it over the rest of the trip, it really wouldn't have mattered anyway. Lots of mirrors around the bed, and the mirror above the bed and the tub were nice touches. All the electrical outlets worked fine, and our air conditioner was NOT leaking anything. So a pleasant surprise there.
The resort itself was nicer than expected as well. Maintained very well, clean, all in all quite nice.
Thursday morning we awoke to brilliant sunshine, and the weather the rest of the four days was perfect. Hit the gym for a while. Mostly cardio and free weight stuff -- not elaborate but better than many business traveler hotels. Grabbed a cabana out in the nude area, then hit the buffet breakfast just before it closed. Again, we were pleasantly surprised by the variety and quality of the food. It's a buffet, OK, and not the $75/plate Sunday brunch at a Ritz type of a buffet, but surprisingly good.
Back to the nude area. When someone wrote that there are all ages and body types at the resort, they were speaking the truth. No one needs to worry about feeling self-conscious sunning in the buff -- it is not a Ken and Barbie convention.
Lunch in the buffet at 1:30. Now Thursday is the day of the toga party, and at 1:30 the staff provide toga-tying lessons in the buffet room. They ask for three male and three female volunteers, so we agreed to do it. Very wise move -- we served as the "models", and the staff tied togas for us as a means of demonstrating to others. We got to keep the demo togas, and later on that evening we were able to use them, so we did not have to figure out how to make our own. Frankly, the ones they did for us were great. We recommend you volunteer for this exercise. Note: if you do not volunteer, you still may want to attend the demonstration, then you pick up your sheets at 3 PM.
At the end of the lunch, one of the ECs asked us to join their dance group for the big Saturday night Mardi Gras show. Said all that was required was a brief rehearsal of a choreographed dance routine. We thought they indicated this would be no more than a half hour. It did not seem like a big deal so we volunteered. However, the "rehearsal" on Thursday afternoon took a little over an hour. And we would have had to do another hour on Friday and again on Saturday. And the dance routine we had to learn was visually cool, but a lot of work. We ultimately decided that was more of a commitment than we were willing to make on a vacation, so we backed out. The EC was disappointed -- I think they get bonuses or other value for having the largest group and winning the prize on Saturday night. But ultimately, we were there for OUR vacation, not just for the ECs, so we backed out. Note: Several of our friends did indeed remain in the group and did the show on Saturday, and they enjoyed it. So to each their own.
Back to the nude area. The cabana was nice as we were able to keep out of the sun much of the day. We got a little frisky several times, no one seemed to care or watch us like animals in a zoo. Maybe things were tamer during the days we were there since it was not a resort takeover by a swingers group, but to be honest there was not a lot of amorous activity going on around the pool, in the jacuzzi, or otherwise during the entire time we were there. At least not while we were in the nude area.
Thursday night we did the buffet dinner. Again, not the greatest food we'd ever eaten but all in all pretty good for a buffet. Then watched the staff and guest "talent show" after dinner. This was the first of a number of these "shows" where they take about an hour or an hour and a half to complete an activity which could have been done in 15 minutes. The theme was theoretically to pick the best toga outfit. The reality is that it was roughly ten males and then ten female volunteers who pranced around in a very lighthearted manner essentially making fools of themselves, but any of us who were not participating had a good time nonetheless. Grown people acting slutty and silly and having fun with it. This is NOT a beauty show dominated by extremely hot people, so anyone can enter and anyone can win. Likeability was more important to the "vote" than physical attractiveness. Just be aware that if you choose to participate in any of these type of events, it gets dragged out much longer than necessary, there is a lot of yelling by the Entertainment Coordinators and hooting and hollering with the audience, so you'll be involved in it for longer than you had expected. All in all a good time.
Hung out at the bar for a while. Top shelf liquor available if you are finicky about that. Then at 11 the toga party started in the disco. Very well attended and virtually everyone was in their togas. Lots of skin in evidence at the beginning of the party, and gradually more shown progressively over the course of the evening. The music was pretty much hard core hip-hop (not really our preference) -- we danced for a while, did a little socializing with the others there, then eventually retired to the room.
Friday was more of the same, but we started to socialize more with several other couples we had met the first day. The Mrs and one of our friends' Mrs participated in the "wet t-shirt" contest at 1:30 Friday in the buffet restaurant. Was fun but again too drawn out (in our opinion.) All participants got a bottle of rum (probably a $5 bottle) and the winner got a larger bottle of the same kind of rum. So you're not participating for the prize but rather just for fun. Again, the winner was the woman who was sluttiest in her "dance" -- if you're not prepared to be slutty don't bother.
Dinner Friday night at Pastafari. You need a reservation and you should book as soon as you arrive because you cannot be sure to get a res for whatever night you want. Now here the food was really very very good. Nice atmosphere too. Based on advance reading I thought I would need long pants but when we made the reservation they told us that tailored shorts were fine. So I wore shorts and a t-shirt. We highly recommend.
Friday night after dinner we hit the piano bar, which is essentially karaoke done to a piano accompaniment. Lots of fun. The other guests there were quite friendly, and it was just a very nice time. Then on to the disco. Few people were dressed in theme that night (Jamaican colors night) -- general club wear, or shorts and t-shirts, was fine. Again, the music is fairly heavy hip-hop, so we kind of rotated back and forth between the disco and the main bar. Lots more socializing.
Saturday at 1:30 was the "Hunk of Hedo" contest....err. No one entered. I would have (not that I am a hunk or anything) but by then I had figured out that this would take over an hour, and we were ready to get back to the beach/pool, so we were actually kind of glad there was no contest.
Saturday night we did dinner at Munasan (the Japanese steakhouse.) Again, truly an excellent meal. We would sum up the food situation by saying that the buffet is surprisingly good, though certainly not elaborate by any means, and that the private restaurants are much better. The after-dinner party was a Mardi Gras theme. This is where the three groups who had been rehearsing their choreographed dance routines got to strut their stuff. The entertainment was surprisingly good. The volunteers/guests did great choreographed routines, the ECs who led the dances were epic. Then again flitting back and forth between the disco and the bar for the rest of the night. We were wrapping up our short visit, so did a lot more socializing with those we had befriended along the way.
Left on Sunday. By the way, they come by on Saturday and give you instructions on what time to meet the bus to take you to the airport. They ask you to leave at least an hour earlier than you really need to. We browbeat them into putting us on a later bus. Not everyone was able to make that happen, as the buses get full. So as soon as they give you your bus assignment, try to get it changed.
So a summary of the key points for newbies:
1.) Make dinner reservations for the private restaurants early in your trip. Again, shorts and a t-shirt are all you need to wear to these restaurants -- no need to pack long pants or any fancy clothing.
2.) We thought we packed light and still packed way more than we needed.
We were naked most of the day. To the breakfast and lunch buffets we wore a swimsuit and were often barefoot. Bikini top for the ladies and shirtless for the men is acceptable. At dinner and after dinner, shorts and t-shirts or club wear is fine. Leave the good stuff at home.
3.) Possibly the best suggestion anyone had made on this board was to bring a couple of thermal 20-oz cups to use at the bar to get drinks. We used them throughout the trip and they kept our sodas or juice or ice water cold and kept us from having to go back to the bar every half hour to refill. If you get a drink at the bar it will be served in a very small glass.
4.) Beach towels are habitually in extremely short supply. Grab a couple the night before, as soon as they get put out, or get up early in the morning to grab some, or they will be all gone and they will not be replaced. Other alternatives are to use the plain white towels from your room or from the gym, or even bring your own from home. But they simply do not have enough towels.
5.) It's fine to participate in all the special activities at 1:30 or 7:30 PM, but understand it will be more of a time commitment than you had expected. However, participating in the toga-tying demo can be helpful.
6.) The staff at H3 is truly spectacular. Just the nicest, friendliest people you will ever have working at any resort you ever attend. This is everyone from the waitresses or busboys in the restaurant to the pool guys to the bartenders to the ECs. Absolutely wonderful. They are so fabulous we really felt terrible that we could not tip them. Makes you wonder why staff at other places, who actually work for tips, can't be half as nice.
7.) Be friendly with the other guests. The Mrs is much younger than I and truly breathtakingly beautiful with an incredibly sexy bod....we had been concerned she might be fending off unwanted and rude advances during the entire time. Now admittedly there is some amount of sexual electricity in the atmosphere, but the other guests were basically just very friendly and at times flirtatious, but no one was pushy in any way. (Again, it could be different if there was a swingers group takeover going on at the time you are there.) If your goal is to make friends and "play", you'll be able to, and if your goal is just to flirt but not "play" you should be fine too.
8.) H3 is not like any other resort you are ever going to go to -- it is a refreshing breath of fresh air.....Enjoy!!
